whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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