Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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