my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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