You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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