Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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