I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I understand Curling. That high.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
