she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I queefed so loud it echoed.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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