I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
