I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
