You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
