We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
