Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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