After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
well you can't waste a boner
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
