i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
