Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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