my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
