38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
