look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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