It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
