After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
