yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
