OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
