Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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