the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
