were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
