really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
