i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
