the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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