Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
