just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
