I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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