I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
