You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
