none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
