hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
