OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
