She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Buhtt sex?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
