im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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