Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
