Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
