Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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