apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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