I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
