also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Holy sore nipples Batman
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
