also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
