I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
