my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
