so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
