how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
