saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
