there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
