What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
