She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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